Marriage is often considered a sacred bond in Bharat, a union not just between two individuals but between two families. However, this very aspect of marital relationships—family involvement—has become one of the biggest reasons for conflict and divorce in the country. While modern couples struggle to build a life together, external interference, particularly from in-laws, frequently disrupts their relationship. From emotional manipulation to financial control, from power struggles to forced expectations, the role of in-laws in a marriage is often more damaging than supportive.
How In-Laws Contribute to Marital Discord
Excessive Interference in the Couple’s Life
One of the most common issues is excessive involvement from in-laws, particularly when couples live in joint families. Parents—especially those who have controlled their child’s life for decades—find it difficult to step back and let the couple make their own decisions. This interference extends to financial matters, child-rearing, household responsibilities, and even personal arguments, leaving little space for the couple to grow independently.
A newly married couple needs time to understand each other, build trust, and set the foundation for their relationship. However, in many cases, in-laws act as a third party in the marriage, influencing decisions and creating unnecessary conflicts.
Unrealistic Expectations from the Daughter-in-Law
For centuries, Indian society has placed unrealistic expectations on women. A daughter-in-law is expected to:
- Adjust to a new family overnight.
- Accept her husband’s family as her own, while her own family takes a backseat.
- Prioritize her in-laws’ needs over her own desires and ambitions.
- Obey elders unquestioningly, regardless of how unreasonable their demands may be.
This results in tremendous pressure on the woman, who may already be dealing with the stress of a new marriage, leaving her emotionally drained and frustrated. Many divorces happen because women refuse to tolerate such oppressive conditions, leading to conflict between the couple.
The Son’s Failure to Balance His Role
Men often find themselves torn between their wife and their parents, leading to what is commonly called the “mama’s boy syndrome.” In many households, the son is conditioned to prioritize his parents’ wishes over everything else. As a result, he struggles to create a healthy balance between his marriage and his duty toward his family.
Common mistakes made by men include:
- Allowing their parents to make decisions about their married life.
- Ignoring their wife’s concerns to avoid upsetting their mother or father.
- Expecting their wife to serve and respect his parents without reciprocation.
- Believing that financial responsibilities toward his parents must always take precedence over his nuclear family’s needs.
When a husband fails to stand up for his wife or create boundaries with his parents, it leads to resentment, fights, and ultimately, divorce.
Financial Control and Emotional Manipulation
In many households, in-laws dictate how the couple spends their money. Some common scenarios include:
- Forcing the son to continue financially supporting his parents even at the cost of his own family’s well-being.
- Pressuring the wife to hand over her salary or savings to the in-laws.
- Making financial decisions for the couple, such as buying property, investing, or managing expenses.
This financial control, combined with emotional blackmail, creates a toxic environment. Phrases like “We raised you, now it’s your duty to take care of us” or “Your wife has changed you” are often used to manipulate men into submission, leading to tension between the couple.
Influence of the Daughter-in-Law’s Parents
While interference from the husband’s parents is more common, there are cases where the wife’s parents also disrupt the marriage. Some parents:
- Insist that their daughter prioritize her side of the family.
- Encourage her to leave the marriage at the first sign of trouble rather than working through problems.
- Create a sense of superiority, making her feel that she deserves better, even when the issues are minor.
This kind of interference prevents couples from resolving their issues independently, leading to unnecessary separations.
Pressure to Have Children and Gender Bias
One of the most sensitive topics that causes rifts in marriages is the pressure to have children. In-laws, especially in traditional households, often demand grandchildren soon after marriage. If a couple chooses to delay pregnancy or face fertility issues, they are subjected to criticism and blame.
Additionally, in families with strong patriarchal mindsets, the birth of a female child may not be celebrated as much as a male child, causing further strain on the couple. If the wife refuses to conform to these regressive expectations, conflicts arise, pushing the marriage toward breakdown.
Verbal and Emotional Abuse
In many cases, in-laws resort to verbal and emotional abuse to establish control over the daughter-in-law. She may be constantly compared to other women, criticized for her looks, cooking, or career choices, or insulted in front of relatives. Such mistreatment erodes her mental health, leading to depression, anxiety, and ultimately, separation.
The Need for Change: How Can We Fix This?
Establishing Strong Boundaries
Couples must set clear boundaries with their families. It is crucial to define what is acceptable and what isn’t in their marriage. For example:
- Decisions about finances, career, and children should be made by the couple alone.
- Family members should not interfere in minor disagreements between the husband and wife.
- The couple must have personal space and privacy without constant scrutiny.
Raising Emotionally Independent Sons
The responsibility of change lies with parents as well. Mothers and fathers must raise their sons to be emotionally independent, teaching them that:
- A wife is an equal partner, not a servant to his family.
- Prioritizing his marriage does not mean neglecting his parents.
- It is okay to say “no” to unreasonable demands from family members.
Encouraging Open Communication Between Couples
Many divorces happen because couples do not openly discuss their issues. Instead of fighting against each other, they must learn to communicate their needs, frustrations, and expectations clearly. Seeking couples counseling or therapy can also help in managing conflicts effectively.
Normalizing Nuclear Families
While joint families have their benefits, modern marriages thrive better in nuclear setups. Living separately does not mean abandoning parents; it simply means creating a healthy environment for the couple to nurture their relationship.
Making Divorce the Last Option, Not the First
Sometimes, separation is necessary when a marriage becomes unbearable. However, in many cases, conflicts can be resolved with the right approach. Couples must make an honest effort to repair their relationship before resorting to divorce.
In-laws, instead of being pillars of support, have become one of the biggest reasons for marital breakdowns in Bharat. Their interference, controlling behavior, and emotional manipulation create toxic environments where marriages struggle to survive. If society wants to preserve the sanctity of marriage, families must learn to respect boundaries and allow couples to lead their own lives. A successful marriage is built on love, trust, and understanding—something that should never be dictated by external influences.
